11.21.2013

on turning sixteen

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it's 10:41 pm, or 7:41 if your computer clock is eternally stuck in the pacific time zone like mine is. i really should be getting to bed (and really should be using caps?) but i suppose putting things away and stopping your writing and using proper punctuation is something that comes with maturity, or i hope so.

there is something to be said for turning of age. it's an unspoken little idea, but it's always there, tickling my thoughts and softly nudging my subconscious. not so much of, "wow, i'm sixteen now, this feels weird" --because, usually, it doesn't-- but more of "what will i strive for when i'm sixteen?" sometimes, setting goals or expectations for myself seems useless and pointless because, let's face it: who ever actually gets to where they want to be? we all fail at one point or another and we all get discouraged; for most of us, that kind of failure leads to stagnation and a stale vision for life. 

but for me, goals are always a good idea. because i am constantly being sanctified, i should never, ever, ever, truly be satisfied with how far i've come in my spiritual walk or in growth or in my maturity. that's the cool thing about God and how he chooses to refine my character--he doesn't just dump all my faults in front of my face and tell me to get to work; He gives me one or two at a time and and waits and waits and waits and waits and waits for me to actively strive against my sin. and all along this road, i flail and flop around  and miserably fail at it. how he maintains patience and love with me i will never know, because i barely have enough patience to make a waffle in the morning, much less to wait on other people. and if i'm honest with myself, most of my struggles stem from putting me and my will above God and his will for me, which is self-idolatry any way you cut it. 

i know i will never be able to completely rid myself of sin until i reach heaven, but until then, i will strive for righteousness like Jesus did. every year, every day, every second, I want to remind myself of the gospel and how God is gracious and loving towards me. so here's to a happy sixteen to me; my mind is brimming with joy and thankfulness because of the hope i have in the gospel.
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+ something i wrote late at night before my birthday



4 comments:

  1. you have such an old, beautiful soul, natalie.
    (and happy birthday, whenever it is. ;) )

    ReplyDelete
  2. happiest of *late* birthdays!
    I love reading your writing, they're always so real and show your beautiful heart.

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  3. Beautiful, sweet post! I enjoyed it! <3

    ~Natasha
    thestoryofthisgirlslife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

comments are my favourite.